Monday, October 6, 2008

Husbands, Housework, and Homelife

My husband cleaned the whole house (except the toilets and the stove) this weekend. Of course the kids spilled food after that and he is upset that things are a mess again on Sunday night. Somehow it's my fault because I'm always working the odd hours teaching job that I have or always on the computer and it's my fault we don't have any money but I'm blaming him and making him feel inadequate because I say he doesn't make enough at his job and he's thinking of getting a second job. Writing this down it sounds completely insane, I guess because it is just a rant. He's really upset about something else probably the fact that we don't have any time together or the fact that he wants to have more money to spend on extras. What I can't understand is why he can't factor in that I didn't work all summer, he just switched jobs, I'm doing our health insurance now, we had 3 kids birthdays, school started and that these things have all contributed to the fact that we are broke until I get paid on Friday. But what really is devastating to me is that Friday is only 4 days away and we have plently of food to scrape together but he can't wait.
This leads him in to a name calling, blaming tirade about how horrible things are because of the job I have and how I should go out and get a full time job and put the kids in daycare or an afterschool program because they'll be fine and everyone else does it. But when it comes down to it, he is critical of every outside childcaretaker that we have ever had when the kids were small. Plus if I worked fulltime, I'd still have to come home and cook and prepare the kids for school/daycare. Not to metion that the semester has already started so how can I possibly take on more classes or give up the classes I'm already in the middle of to find/take some other job that I don't even want to do.
Ranting Ranting Ranting while I ramble about his ranting.
None of it makes any sense---the bottom line is that he's unhappy and the only way he can express it is to name call, and yell at me for things I can't really change.
Should I be responsible for his unhappiness? No, I can't take responsibility for that. I feel like I'm doing the best I can. I do my work while our littlest naps, I work at night--during the day I try to focus on the kids, do homework, make food, some laundry.
It's always like this when I start work again. Maybe I try too hard at my job. During the summers things are peachy at home because there is no tension because of me working. Last night he was upset for having to bend his work schedule because of my career. Even if I worked full time, who the hell would have to take care of the kids, stay home when they're sick, etc. I can't do it all.